I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize