so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
