i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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