I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
