i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
