It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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