I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
