The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
