That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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