Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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