What a fucking waste of an outfit
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That accounts for only three of the penises
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
