Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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