I bet he comes in French.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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