How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
