I'm jealous of your bromance
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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