We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
