so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
