He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
