don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
