wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
