also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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