this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
