My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
