I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
