grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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