He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
