Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
