Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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