Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
