im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
