my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
