Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
