I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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