capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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