i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
