he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
