yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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