Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
