she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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