I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
