i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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