Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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