Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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