Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can I color on your dick again?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize