do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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