Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
