Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
