I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize