But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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