hell yes lets make some ravioli
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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