Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
