Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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