he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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