FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
