Is it because I queefed?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
