Dual....:-)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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