guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize