The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
