1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
