i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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