I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you inspire me to be a worse person
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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