I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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