Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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