you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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