piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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