what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
