Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
