you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize