What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
